I love having plans.  if I make plans I write them down in color-coordinated markers in my planner.  if they are really important they get stars and when I’m really excited I’ll decorate them, just in case someone might look.  this way, if they were wondering which things I was looking forward to the most they would know.  I also hate when plans get broken.  not so much if they get replaced or rearranged, especially if it’s something like, we were going to go ice skating but it happens to be 59 degrees out today…  but when people cancel, or even worse, ditch out on plans, I get pretty upset.

I was pondering how many times I got upset in the last week about broken plans.  in under 20 seconds, I had three times in the last 5 days that it had happened, and I was pretty bitter about all of them.  and instantly I realized… something is not right.  there’s no way I should actually be that upset.  and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I just like to have control.  over the who-what-where-when-whys of my life.  because if I don’t plan, someone else will do it.  and they might invite someone who doesn’t always agree with me, or that I think is awkward.  or we could do something boring, or something that I dislike.  or maybe it won’t fit perfectly into my schedule.

then bam.  as usual, the brick in the face moment hit, and it came together.  control over my life feels nice, but is it best?  when I have control over the reigns it’s comforting.  I know me better than any other human being, so I can do the things that make me happy and I can plan the things that I want to do, and I can make sure my life stays in nice neat order without any waves.  but God knows things about my heart that I have even yet to discover.   and His plan is always best.  and He promises to not lead me astray, but to give me a yoke that is light.

I still don’t like this because it’s hard.  but I love this because it’s increadible.  what God says is, just don’t worry about it.  I’ve got everything under control.  how nice would that be if I just let that idea run wild in my life?  if suddenly sticking to my planner, I just lived and let God take care of the rest.  sounds pretty nice to me.